Heart of Darkness

Oh lord. She was sure those eyes blazed with a silver fire. Strange but they did and his hand was like chains of steel around her arm. He could break her bones and still, she was more shocked than worried for her wellbeing. This man was nothing like the man she knew. She was so close to weeping instead of running for her life. She just wanted him to go back to the way he was and tell her that all this was an attempt to scare her away and that he was sorry.

“Listen to me, Roxana. I can tolerate anything but not I can’t live without you. I will lose my mind.”

Oh no. She felt like more people than herself would be in trouble if he lost his mind. Not that he seemed sane at this moment.

“Alright.” She said.

He frowned. “Don’t lie.” He warned her as if he knew her plans.

“I am not but you need to be able to handle the truth… and your behavior is frightening.”

His frown deepened.

“And you are hurting my arm.”

He loosened his grip but God, did he refuse to let her go. This was insane.

“I need you to release me.” She told him firmly.

He didn’t say no or shake his head yet she could tell that was the answer he was giving.

“Your Majesty?”

“I can’t let you go.” He said.

“I am not going anywhere. I am your guard and I am on duty now.”

His eyes narrowed with suspicion and then hesitantly he let her go. Well, at least he was listening. Still, she wanted to weep. Not another Henrik. Please, God.

She touched her arm which she was sure was bruised now.

“You are very weak.” He said factually.

Roxana looked at him confused.

“I am sorry. I should have known.”

What kind of apology was that?

“That I am weak?”

“Yes. I apologize.”

She felt her face burn with anger. The last thing she wanted to be called was weak. What did he know about what she endured? What she had survived?

She looked into his eyes, her hands clenched at the sides of his body. “What are you trying to do, Your Majesty?” She spoke between clenched teeth. Calm down Roxana, before you say anything wrong. But her anger just kept building up.”If you are trying to push me away, this is not an honorable way to do it and if you are not then, I am even more disappointed. You are behaving more like a boy trying to be a man.”

First, he seemed upset by the comparison but then his eyes darted with panic.  “Push you away?” He grabbed her arms again and pulled her closer. Oh well, this habit had to stop. “He is the one who wants to push you away not I. I want to…” He paused and then slowly released her.

What happened? And who was he?

“Listen Roxana. This is not an act to push you away. If you tell me to mate with you right now I am ready.”

Ma-mate with her?! What did that even mean?! Mating like … the sexual act. Like breeding? Like animals? Because humans didn’t use that word nor did they just tell someone to mate them like it was the given thing.

“I don’t want to mate. I just want to talk.” She said with alarm.

Those blazing eyes returned. He was unabashed to show his anger. Really, why was she here giving him chances? She knew aggressive men and she never ever wanted to give herself to one again.

But Alexander… he couldn’t just change in a day. Could he?

“Please..” she said but to what exactly she wasn’t sure.

They just looked at each other for a moment before he spoke. “You want to talk?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. I will answer all your questions tonight.” He said.

She couldn’t believe her ears for a moment. What a relief.

“But after that, we will mate tomorrow morning.” He added.

Now she looked at him bewildered. He was serious.

“We will NOT be mating.”

“Why? I said I would answer your questions.”

God. She was so close to slapping him. He was telling her she should mate with him in exchange for answering her questions. Really?

Roxana put her hands behind her back to stop herself from ruining her life in case he said anything disgusting again.

“You humans really do change your mind quickly.” He said sounding disappointed. “I thought you wanted to be with me.”

Huh? So she was at fault now?

“What is happening to you?” She asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. You are suddenly changed and behaving this way.”

He sighed and then slowly began to walk. She walked with him. “If you want answers you have to believe what I say.” He told her.

“Alright.”

“What do you truly want to know?” He asked as if she should consider her questions carefully.

“Yesterday…” She began thinking of how to formulate her question to get the most out of it. “You said you didn’t want to open your heart again.”

“HE doesn’t want to open his heart.” He corrected.

“Who is he?”

“The one who doesn’t want to open his heart. I want to open my he…” He paused and came to a halt. He turned to her with a frown. “I don’t have a heart.”

She stood still, her mind muddled with questions. “You are not making any sense, Your Majesty.”

He became thoughtful.

“You said you didn’t want to hurt again.” She said to make him proceed.

“He doesn’t want to hurt. He has to protect himself from people who want to use him yet call him useless. He wants to protect himself because those who were supposed to, failed him. Betrayed him. Lied to him. They killed a part of him leaving him empty inside. They numbed me. Imprisoned me. Because of them, I became cursed. I became a destroyer instead of a defender.” His eyes glistened with pain and fury. “They deserved to die.” He then exclaimed.

“Who are they?”

He looked at her. “His parents.”

His? Why was he talking about himself like that? Sometimes with distance and sometimes with closeness. And… he was betrayed by his parents?

“Her name was Ramona.” He continued, grimacing as if it left a sour taste in his mouth. “He loved her. He shouldn’t. She didn’t belong to him. She was not his to protect. But he couldn’t know, because I wasn’t there to help him. So when she left him, he was hurt. All of this wouldn’t have happened if I was there. If his parents hadn’t numbed me.”

Roxana was so confused but he wasn’t just talking to her anymore. He was venting. Letting the anger and hurt out in the open, so she just listened. She understood some parts. Others were very confusing but the distancing she could grasp better. When he spoke of his parents they weren’t his. He distanced himself from them because of what they did.

“Do you understand now? He might never trust you. That is why I am here.” he took a step toward her, his eyes changing from anger to that dark intense look. “I am here to make you mine. To make you ours. When he wakes up, you will already belong to him. He won’t be able to run away from you. He will have no choice but to learn to trust you.”

Roxana frowned, taking a step away from him. “Wake up from what?”

“From the pain and memories. He will be more reluctant to accept you once he wakes up.”

“When will he wake up?”

“Do you want him to wake up?”

“Yes.”

He looked displeased.

“I don’t understand.” He said. “You don’t want to mate so you can be with him but you want him to wake up.”

“I don’t want to mate. I want him to… love me and trust me. It can’t be done by force.” She told him.

His face contorted and his eyes flashed as soon as she completed her statement. He swirled around and stalked toward the bench near the hedge. With a growl, he ripped the bench from the ground and threw it across the garden. Then he tore at the hedge, ripping it apart as he roared.

The unexpected wrath caught Roxana off guard. As he turned to face her, she tensed. She wasn’t sure whether the shock was playing tricks on her eyes, but he abruptly came toward her so fast that she instinctively drew her dagger. It was too late when she paused, and then shuddered as she felt her blade slice through flesh.

Quickly she opened her eyes, heart pounding in fear of what she might witness. He had caught the blade in his hand. His hold around it was tight even though she wasn’t pushing and blood dripped down to the ground.

“Your Majesty,” horrified, she looked at him.

He watched her with concerned eyes. “You don’t trust me.” He spoke.

“I am sorry.” She hadn’t meant to attack him. She thought he was attacking her. Quickly she released the dagger but he kept squeezing the blade, causing more blood to seep.

“You are hurting yourself.” She warned.

But he wasn’t listening. His eyes looked suddenly too calm.

“I understand.” He began, his voice nothing more than a faint tone. “I will bring him back. I’ll bring him back for you. But you have to promise me, that you won’t give up on him.”

“Alright. Let go of the blade.” He would cut his fingers off soon.

“Promise me!” He repeated, holding the blade tighter.

“I promise.” She hurried to say.

“I’ll trust your words.” He said. “I’ll be gone for a while. Don’t worry. I am not sick or dying. I will come back.”

“Where are you g…”

Before she could finish speaking, he collapsed.