How To Raise Your Regressor

Chapter 105 - I Cri

"Whew," I exhaled a breath of relief as I finally returned to my room.

Today sure was a long and exhausting day.

I did a lot of things, but making up a totally unnecessary lie because I was bored I mean because I wanted to teach Neia a valuable lesson about life took the most effort out of me.

Anyway, time to go back to my room and sleep like someone who just had a wrestling match with a 40 ton truck travelling at a speed of 100 km/h.

"You\'re back," however, to my utter dismay, I was greeted by a voice the moment I opened the door to my room.

"What are you doing here?"

I don\'t remember ordering a pair of Dragon and Vampire.

"What? You asked for us, remember?" Arteria chided.

"Did I, now?"

Ah, right.

Before meeting Voloha, I had asked them to come to my room because I wanted to start right away on those Elixirs.

But you know what? Fuck you, past me.

I\'m simply not interested in that right now.

In fact, now that I think about it, the Elixir has turned into a bigger deal than I was initially intending it to be.

At first I just wanted to conduct a simple seminar using the New Dawn Guild\'s name, but the perfectionist side of me got the better of me and I continued refining the plan until it became more trouble than it was worth.

Like, okay I get it, it\'s an Elixir which could probably save millions of lives in the future, but you know, ya boi is a lazy ass bitch.

I should probably share my thoughts with these women.

"Well, I\'m sorry to say this this late in the game, but we\'ll have to start tomorrow."

"What? Why?" Neia asked.

"I\'m a bit tired right now, and that bed looks incredibly tempting."

In fact, it looks so tempting that I\'m going to sleep with it as rejecting someone\'s advances is a man\'s shame.

Unless that someone is a mentally unstable person/thing/personification-of-a-concept. Then yea, it\'s probably in your best interests to reject their advances.

"You can\'t do that to us!" Arteria exclaimed.

And this time, I can\'t blame her because her reaction is justified.

Hmm, now that I think about it, this has happened more times than I\'d like to admit.

Does that mean these guys are growing?

Absolutely not. I have just forgotten my mantra; the key to happiness is to never take responsibility.

Huh, that sounds exactly like what a playboy would say after getting one of his many girlfriends pregnant.

Needless to say, they are usually stabbed in the back later on (or whichever method of killing normal people use).

"It\'s simply impossible for me to conduct my research right now," I lied as naturally as I breathed.

Also, because I wanted to pull off my prank (as the last one went quite well; seriously, I need to do something about these wankers and their lack of sense of humour), the only ones to know of the discovery of the Elixir were Azell and Neia.

To be honest, there were several other ways I could have presented the Elixir without letting a single person know that I was the creator.

However, while amusing, hiding your true abilities to such an extreme is usually not the most tactical decision.

Unless, of course, you\'re waiting for something big to happen, like a terrorist organisation taking your school hostage, to reveal your true abilities in front of everyone and becoming the alpha chad.

If that\'s what you\'re aiming for, then power to you, chief.

Though to be honest, instead of puddles forming at the feet of all the women around you, people just think of you as a creep.

Also, I should probably stop digressing so much.

"Oh yeah? Then what do you plan to do now?"

"Sleep like a-"

Shit, I almost blurted out another of my suicide innuendos.

"Like?"

"Like every normal person would. I\'ve had a long day so I\'m tired, okay? Please leave me alone."

"Woah…" Arteria\'s eyes widened for some moments, then her frown deepened. "Then don\'t you think you should have considered that before calling us to your room?"

Oh my, looks like I have angered her.

F.

"My deepest apologies, but I usually don\'t work well under pressure."

Hmm, looks like asking them to leave after making them wait an entire afternoon wasn\'t the most tactical decision, chief.

"You-"

"Now, now, please calm down, Arteria," the pacifist Dragon who has a history of beating up cripples interfered.

…God that sounded so wrong.

"But Neia-"

*Knock* *Knock*

Just then, a series of knocks interrupted our intellectual discussion.

"Who?"

"It\'s me," came the voice from the other side of the door.

"Sorry, but I don\'t know anyone named \'me\'."

Gosh, what a weird name. If my parents named me \'me\' I would have sued them for ruining my life.

"Haah, it\'s Clementine."

Ah, it\'s my little sister who also happens to be the Shadowlord.

Oh fuck, I forgot that we have a Shadowlord who was kidnapped right after she was born and who wants me to act as her family because I took hers.

Wait, isn\'t the situation a bit too messed up?

"Come in," I granted her access and she entered. "So, how may I help you?"

"What?" She looked at me in confusion. "You were the one who called me."

Wut?

"I did? When?"

I certainly don\'t remember that.

"This afternoon, before your meeting with that girl. You said that you had something important to give me."

Ahh… now I remember.

I did ask her something like that, but I only did so in passing. I didn\'t expect her to take it so seriously.

Wow.

Also, am I suffering from short term memory loss or some shit?

"Right, right," I nodded.

"Are you going to turn her away as well?" Arteria asked in a mocking tone.

"Ah, are you busy? I can come later, if you want."

"..." Arteria shut her mouth.

I\'m proud of you, Clementine.

"I hope you can copy a page from her book."

"Don\'t you mean \'take a page\'?" The vampire retorted.

"I don\'t remember stuttering."

"Haah," she sighed. "You know what? I\'ll just go. I don\'t have the energy to deal with you right now."

Did she just pull my own card on me? Wow.

"As much as I would like you to do the same, since we\'re all already here, I might as well get to it. Besides, I\'m sure you don\'t want to wait another afternoon."

"I\'d kill you."

"I\'ll be counting on that."

Time to make this woman wait long enough to make her kill me.

Ez.

"Wait, no," a grin appeared on her face. "I\'ll just break your legs and leave you in Noelle\'s care."

"Oh my fucking God, are you a monster or what?"

Hot fucking damn, and I thought I was the psychopath.

I guess they\'re right in that there\'s always a bigger fish out there.

"I\'m a vampire," she smiled.

"A fiend is what you are. Why don\'t you start sexually identifying yourself as a war criminal?"

"I\'m considering it, and if you don\'t fix your attitude, I will."

This is just wow.

"Alright, Jesus, calm down. I\'ll start with you."

"Good boy."

Ew.

Looks like I have no choice but to postpone my plans to sleep and make some Elixirs now.

Why is this world so cruel?

I cri.